How to Get Past Commitment Issues

Unless you’ve been living in outer space for most of your life, you’ve heard of people having a major fear of commitment. Most people, at least at some point, have been made familiar with this particular concept.

Fearing commitment isn’t always clear-cut.

What does it mean? Are there any particular signs to show that someone fears commitment? If you fear commitment, do you suffer from some type of a phobia?

And most important of all for the sake of this piece, if you have a partner that is currently afraid of making a commitment, is it possible to overcome this problem?

We will do our best to answer all of these questions today. And when all’s said and done, you will hopefully now have the right tools in your arsenal to overcome relationship commitment fears.

Commitment Issues

So What Exactly Is a Fear of Commitment?

For the most part, when somebody is afraid of making a commitment they are typically reluctant to either become monogamous in a long-term relationship or they are afraid to get married.

Depending on a person’s particular commitment fears, you’ll either notice their commitment reluctance almost immediately, you’ll pick up on it within a few months of beginning a relationship with them, or you might not notice it until you’re about to get married.

For the wide majority of people, getting married is usually the biggest commitment phobia that they tend to face.

The concept of marriage – being with someone for an entire lifetime and making a lifelong commitment to them – is usually such a daunting and difficult thing to accept or agree to.

Unfortunately for this person, their commitment phobias are going to have a major impact on their entire life’s direction.

So understandably, the idea of getting married or becoming part of a long-term relationship is obviously going to be very fearful and frightening for a certain group of people with commitment issues.

Most men and women suffer from some type of a commitment phobia, although men seem to suffer from this much more than women.

Even though men are typically expected to have a greater fear of being in a longer relationship or even a marriage, this is certainly not the exclusive realm of guys. Women will absolutely suffer from commitment issues as well.

The Main Causes of Commitment Phobias

As you are about to learn, there are a wide variety of reasons why people could suffer from a fear of commitment. There are counselors, psychiatrists, and many others who have diagnosed patients far and wide with this problem. And every one of them typically seems to have a different reason why people suffer from fearing to commit.

At the same time, there are also many common causes for people to have a commitment phobia. Some of the most common include:

  • Seeking the perfect partner – there are some people in this world who fear to commit to a person because they are always on the hunt and looking for somebody better. They believe that their perfect partner is out there in the world and that he or she is going to be able to find them. The biggest problem with this line of thinking is that nobody is perfect, and you’re always going to find some faults or flaws with every single human being. So if you suffer from perfect partner syndrome, as I like to call it, then you really need to get over yourself quickly because you’re never going to find a romantic partner that’s 100% perfect. It’s just unattainable so you might as well forget about it and just make a long-term commitment to somebody that you love.
  • Losing your freedom – at other times, people are very afraid that they are going to lose their freedom as soon as they enter a marriage or a committed relationship. They believe that their spouse is going to tell them that they could no longer hang out with their friends, or participate in certain hobbies, or watch certain TV shows or movies, or a whole other host of potential reasons. And it’s because of this fear of losing their freedom that they do not feel comfortable entering into a long-term partnership.
  • Boredom – unfortunately, there are also a wide range of people in this world that fear that they are going to become bored with their relationship, so they do not want to make any type of long-term commitment to another person. It’s this boredom in a relationship that keeps them afraid and unwilling to commit. They believe that their relationship might become uninteresting, stagnant, or even completely dull after they get married. They want thrills and excitement in their life, and for some reason they associate marriage with a dull, boring existence.
  • Being afraid to make changes – some people fear change. This is a natural feeling that many of us experience regularly. They fear that their future is going to be uncertain and they wonder if their relationship is going to suffer at some point. If this is the case, you may feel that you aren’t going to be compatible with this person at some point in the future. People do change, so it’s an honest fear and one that potentially could happen. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to happen, so there’s no reason to fear making a commitment to another person.
  • Being stuck with the same partner – obviously, if you are going to get married or enter into a long-term relationship with someone, you are expected to be monogamous. Some people fear that they aren’t going to be able to stay monogamous in the relationship, or they fear that they won’t want to continue to be monogamous with one particular person. Knowing that you’re only supposed to have one partner for the rest of your life can be very fearful, very uncomfortable, and something that you may not be willing to accept if you fear relationship commitments.
  • Fear of no longer being content – some people like their lifestyle exactly the way that it is right now, and they do not want to make any changes that could potentially upset the current course of their existence. Obviously, if you get married then it’s quite possible you’re going to have children and this will certainly change your life.

How to Overcome Fears of Commitment

If there are commitment issues in your relationship, you need to take the necessary steps to overcome them so that you can move on and enter into a long-term partnership.

First of all, if there is a commitment issue, it needs to be confronted immediately.

You and your partner need to understand that there is an anxiety or phobia about commitment with one or both of you.

If it’s your partner that’s afraid of commitment, make sure you let them know that you understand them, understand their fears, and are willing to help them work through the issue.

By letting them know that you understand their fears and concerns, you can begin the process of talking about them, and this could be very healing for both of you.

Second, if you are ever going to enter into a committed relationship, you need to master the art of communication because it’s the most important factor that will allow somebody to overcome their issues.

Both people in the relationship need to be willing to communicate openly, honestly, and on an ongoing basis about anything and everything about their future as a couple, their relationship in general, and any doubts, fears, worries and concerns that they might have.

By letting your partner know that you feel deeply for them, you will assure them that your commitment desires are happy, safe, and positive. You’ll let them know that they really have nothing to be afraid of if they enter into a long-term relationship with you.

It’s going to be impossible to get past certain commitment issues if you fail to communicate with one another. So you have to take the time to be open, honest, and talk with each other about commitment phobias and long-term relationship issues.


No matter who’s having the commitment issues in the relationship, both partners need to recognize and accept the following:

  • You’re never going to find a person that is 100% perfect.
  • It’s impossible to know if somebody is “the one.”
  • Life moves at a fast pace, so you’ll have to either end the relationship or make the commitment.


Tom Savage is a serial dater living in Miami Beach, Florida. In between pool parties, late nights, and an occasional day trading session, he likes to share his tips on meeting women online. You can contact Tom on this page.

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